My Dilemma

Other than fitting blocks into a designated area, of course, is the battle between what I want to do and what I want to do. It is the internal confict of desirable means with no ends versus less desirable means with ends. I’ll try to list the current options for spending my time post-exams:

Programming - Pros: Learning and getting better, has a good output, possibly career-related, Cons: tedious at times, solitary, staying inside

Drawing - Pros: Learning and getting better, has a good output, Cons: can’t be simply turned on, staying inside, solitary

Animating - Pros: Learning and getting better, has a good output, Cons: staying inside, solitary

Computer games - Pros: Time can be spent with other people, fun, Cons: Doesn’t achieve any output, doesn’t better myself

IRL games - Pros: Time can be spent with other people, fun, time can be spent outside, can involve exercise, Cons: Doesn’t achieve any output

Exercise - Pros: Has an output, time spent outside, Cons: Has little transferable output

Watching TV/Films - Pros: Can be done any time, little effort required, time can be spent with other people, Cons: No output, staying inside

Sleeping - Pros: Needs to be done sometime, Cons: Doesn’t have any output

Getting a job - Pros: Produces an output, possibly career-related, Cons: Fixed timeframe, may be difficult to find something desirable

Those are a few of my options. I generally catagorise things into creating and consuming, then avoid the consuming things unless there is a reason not to. This is the reason I don’t play computer games or watch Anime anymore, why I minimise my TV watchage, keep away from NoDDSoc, etc. However, if I’m to be internally self-consisent I need to make sure I actually do stuff. A breakdown of my University holidays would go as follows:

1st year Christmas: Long periods at home doing nothing significant other than talking online to Harriet and waiting to go to Huddersfield, interspersed with periods spent there. Can’t remember making anything creative I can look at now. Altogether dominated by the time wasted at home, pretty hypocritical really.

1st year Easter: Long periods at home where I worked on a physics engine in Java, partly course related partly personal. Learned a LOT about programming. Interspersed with going to Harriet’s and Harriet coming to Sandbach. Pretty productive overall, since time alone was spent well.

1st year Summer: Very long periods doing very little at home, interspersed with short periods with a lot of activity. These periods were going to Huddersfield a few times, all such visits I am counting as being productive BTW since relationship time is always time well spent (why else be in a relationship?) LUG Radio Live, GUADEC and time at Loz’s and in Sheffield. Was slightly productive when I was on my own, since I made the first incarnation of my package management tool, but considering the time I was alone it’s pretty mediocre.

2nd year Christmas: Other than going to Jo’s didn’t produce any kind of output, except for negative shortbread. Time alone spent badly.

2nd year Easter: Mostly spent at Jo’s so very little time to waste on my own. Still, didn’t get much done.

So, I am writing this because I am clearly a lazy bastard who needs to either stick to his philosophy and be creative and useful, or else spend the time he’s not being productive doing something he would enjoy (ie. the stuff I’ve been stopping myself doing).

The irony of this post is that I should be revising for my Solids exam which looks like I will fail epically at.