A Crossroads in my life…

I am a person who tries to be consistent. I try not to have beliefs, and ground myself in fact. I assess and reassess what I know, looking for flaws and areas where I can improve what I think.

This results in a gradual shift of my attitudes, my values and my whole self, each getting ever closer to whatever it is that can be described as “right”.

Occasionally, however, a flaw is discovered which towers above all previous, dwarfing every prior concern into petty details and forcing a protracted period of self-contemplation.

Today I realised there has been an inconsistency in my logic and thinking. I tried to fix it, shift my thoughts to fill the gap, but the more I shifted the more I began to realise the full implications of how wrong I have been for about the past year.

I’m still trying to work out what could possibly replace the thoughts, feelings and knowledge that I’ve had to discard as incorrect. This could take many forms, and it is important to me that I don’t embark on a mental restructuring based on unsound foundations.

I realise that I’ve been beating around the bush, and avoiding the difficult issue which I need to confront head-on. Before I do so, however, I would like to say that my previous, failed mental model was the true contents of my head. It was all-consuming, and to me it was the Truth. Everything I have said and done over the past year has been sincere and honest as that was my world, yet it was all along based on fallacies. I therefore apologise, wholeheartedly, to those persons who’s lives and feelings I may have disrupted or hurt. I have told you nothing short of everything I knew as correct, but only now discover to be wrong. The progressive disruption of my core values is so profound as to render the structures built atop to dust, I cannot, and must not if I am to be fair and remain sane, continue living a lie now that I have discovered its actual nature.

In short, what I am saying is this: OMG! One of House’s patients died! WTF? /head asplodes